


Miss You Like Crazy

by HeeKaiTae



Category: EXO (Band), SHINee, SuperM (Korea Band)
Genre: Acceptance, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Kim Jongin | Kai, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Forgiveness, Friends to Almost Lovers to Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Healing, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Moving On, Past Sexual Abuse, Recovery, Starting Over
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:40:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26029603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeeKaiTae/pseuds/HeeKaiTae
Summary: Jongin's 3am realizations as he contemplated on what have happened in his life, including the love he have given out, the people he lost and the lessons he have learned - all in the hard way; especially the feelings that never died for his first love and one true love Lee Taemin.
Relationships: Kim Jongin | Kai & Lee Taemin, Kim Jongin | Kai/Lee Taemin
Kudos: 6
Collections: Honey Boy: Round 1





	Miss You Like Crazy

**Author's Note:**

> This is what happens when you really have 3am realizations and suddenly your mind bleeds a lot of words and poof. Thank to Jongin and Taemin, this story is now immortalized and wouldn't just be a mere memory.
> 
> Italicized text are parts of the flashbacks!!  
> And the setting of Jongin and Taemin's meeting after 7 years is in Singapore, if you're curious ^^

It was the second time Jongin had been left behind without a word. The first was back in 2013 by his first love Lee Taemin and the second was a year ago by his two-timing ' _boyfriend_ ' Park Chanyeol who finally made up his mind, grew some balls and choose his long-time partner Byun Baekhyun - the one he repeatedly cheated on for so many years, yet still too 'lovestrucked' not to break up with him.

Jongin was stucked addicted on a toxic relationship as Chanyeol made him his _other_ _man_ , his _side dick_ and his _boy-toy_. At first, Jongin was clueless because Chanyeol told him that he was single. It was already too late when Jongin found out the ugly truth that Chanyeol wasn't single anymore, and he was already deeply in love to stop nor leave him. The 'relationship' continued for more than 2 years, with Jongin constantly crying over the emotional abuse he have experienced from it.

After more than 2 years, Chanyeol made a decision and picked Baekhyun over Jongin. Jongin saw it coming as Chanyeol stopped saying ' _I love you_ ', and prepared for it so when he gets 'dumped', he could accept it fast; at least, after crying his heart out for the last time.

Actually, no words came from Chanyeol. One day, he just stopped talking to Jongin and Jongin found him happy in Baekhyun's arms. From then on, Jongin decided to grab the chance to get away from the toxic addiction rather than beg for his love. The trash took himself out of his life and Jongin decided to move on so he could become a better man to whoever would come to his life as he got too much love to give, and a guy that would just throw it away would never be worthy for it.

"Oh? Finally! Finally, you have opened your eyes and you got awakened to the harsh reality that he isn't the right one for you!" Wonshik, Jongin's best friend told him after hearing the 'good' news.

"Yeah. Finally, I had the courage to save myself."

"Jongin ah, I'm very proud of you. I actually thought that you won't be able to get out of that toxic setup because you were too blinded by your own love. I thought you'd just forever be his _other man_ , his _side dick_ and his _boy-toy_. You know that I only wanted to see you happy so I supported you when you were still with him, but I'm happier now that you've realized how lowly that jerk is. He doesn't deserve you."

"Yeah. You know about this for so long and you also know that I've got this feeling or instinct since a few months ago. You know how much I wanted to ask him if he still loves me, especially when he stopped telling me _'I love you'_. You also know how much I've cried because of him, as well as what I've been through just to make him stay. I'm so done with all his bullshit but you know what? I guess I would never be enough, my love and everything I gave him would never be enough because he never loved me in the first place. He only used me, my kindness, my love, my body, my emotions and my money."

"Indeed. He's just a user and a cheater. Let him be, just let them be. So the guy still took him back even after he cheated a lot of times, huh? Good luck to them. You know that famous saying, _'once a cheater, always a cheater'_? It's true! It's a grown habit and it wouldn't be taken away from him overnight. I know that he won't stop cheating on the man. But good thing, the next time that he would cheat, he wouldn't cheat on him with you."

"Yeah. I'll really just let them do whatever they want to do. They'll go out on dates and have sex? Go ahead because I wouldn't give a fuck anymore. I'm so done because I finally got tired."

"You're such a strong man not just because you endured all the pain you've experienced, but you're a strong man because you've finally acknowledged your worth. You spared yourself from more painful things and you've loved yourself enough again to take yourself out of the toxicity. You're strong enough to save yourself and I'm so proud of you, Jongin."

"Thank you so much, Wonshik ah. Finally, I'm free."

________________________________________________________________

Jongin was just staring at the blank space as he shuffled his playlist on. It's been more than a month since Chanyeol contacted him and he confirmed everything - Chanyeol left his former workplace and worked at the company owned by Baekhyun's family. They'd get closer as they'd be together all the time so he accepted the fact that he's really forgotten by the guy he used to be with for more than two years.

"Chill, bro. I could still see that Chanyeol and Baekhyun would break up because of a misunderstanding, but that misunderstanding would have a big impact to their relationship to the point that they'd give up on each other. Just be careful, because Chanyeol would come running back to you, as he knows you love him and you'd take him back. Just to remind you, _once a cheater, always a cheater_. If you take him back, he would also try to take Baekhyun back. In the end, you'd be his boy-toy again." Jongin's psychic friend Sungwoon told him just before he shuffled his playlist.

"What a motherfucking user. Why can't he just leave me in peace. Aish." Jongin was frustrated so he got himself a bag of cheese tortillas and tomato salsa to enjoy. When the music changed, something striked him, his body, his soul, his heart and his whole being.

The song entitled 'A Thousand Years' played and he remembered his first love Lee Taemin.

°°°

_Jongin have known Taemin since they were in high school. Taemin was his senior and with Taemin being the older, he went to say hi to his juniors, especially to Jongin who he got a connection with; people around them said that they look alike and they look like long lost brothers. They got closer at the dance and music classes since Taemin was very active and enthusiastic to teach what he have learned, and to be a good example to his juniors._

_Taemin grew very fond of Jongin until they got close enough to talk about life, love, passion and everything under the sun. Sadly, Taemin graduated and Jongin was left alone. Years passed without communication as they became busy with both their own education, especially Taemin went to a university that have their own Conservatory of Music while Jongin pursued Hospitality. Jongin knows he and Taemin study at the same university but he never saw him around, until he became a junior college student and Taemin was a freshman for his Composition and Piano majors._

_Like a twist of fate, Jongin saw Taemin again during the university-wide fair as he performed along with a band. He was the keyboardist and the moment Jongin saw Taemin's face at the LCD projector, his heart raced._

_"Oh my fucking gosh. That's Taemin!"_

_"Huh? Who's Taemin?" His friend named Yixing said, confused on what Jongin said._

_"That man, he's my friend! We attended the same high school. Woah, I never thought I'd see him here and I never thought that I'd see him again. It's been so long, I think it's been more than 5 years since I last saw him which was before he graduated."_

_"Wow. That's goosebumps inducing." His other friend named Jongdae added._

_"He's still as handsome as before, even if he's super skinny back then but he still looks good." Jongin smiled while his friends looked at him, shaking their heads while smiling._

_Jongin immediately went near the side stage to catch a closer glimpse of Taemin. When Taemin went down the stairs, Jongin didn't hold back and he shouted his friend's name._

_"Taemin!!!!!!" Jongin tried to shout loud enough for Taemin to hear and he did. Taemin walked towards him with a very big smile on his face and hugged Jongin like they were two lovers who got reunited after a long time. They really got reunited after a long time but sadly, they were not lovers._

_"Jongin!! How are you? Long time no see!" Taemin asked, all smiles to his junior._

_"I'm doing good! I didn't expect that I'd see you here! Yes, long time no see!! It's been so long!"_

_"Yeah I think it's been 5 years? The last time I saw you was before I graduated so it must've been that long. It's very good to see you again!"_

_"I'm very happy that I've got to see you too. I miss you! Are you still studying here?"_

_"I miss you too. Ah, here are my bandmates.. our guitarist Minho hyung, our vocalist Jonghyun hyung and our drummer Jinki hyung. Actually, I didn't enroll for the next semester as I'd be leaving for Tokyo soon. My family lives there and I would be with them after quite a while. You want to hang out after the show?"_

_"I'll ask my friends first then maybe I'll let you know."_

_"Alright just tell me! Let's grab some drinks if you want. Would you still be watching the show? Are you with your friends?"_

_"Yes I'd be watching the performances with my friends. Are you going to leave or would you be watching too?"_

_"Maybe my bandmates and I would eat first. I have to go back, I still have to take my things first. I'll see you around then! I'll find you."_

_"Oh. Alright! Take care!"_ _Jongin was happy even if his time with Taemin was over. After the encounter, Jongin went back to Yixing and Jongdae happily._

_"Oh my gosh, he looked so happy when he saw me! Plus he hugged me and told me he miss me too!"_

_"I knew it, Jongin ah. Do you like him?"_

_"He was actually my crush back in high school."_

_"Oohhh. That explained the excitement and the happiness upon seeing him again."_

_"Of course! We didn't have any communication for 5 years and we saw each other here again without expecting that to happen! And he still really look good even if he's not as skinny as before."_

_"Ohhhhh. Jongin, I don't think you have a crush on him. You're in love with him."_

_"Huh? But he's just a crush though. Anyway, he told me he would come to find me later. They'd just eat and they'd also watch the show."_

_As Jongin stayed with Yixing and Jongdae, a different band played Katy Perry's popular song 'The One That Got Away', to which the audience sang along to._

**_'In another life, I would make you stay_ **

**_so I won't have to say you are the one that got away._ **

**_The one that got away..'_ **

_"Oh? Jongin??? What happened? Why are you crying??" Yixing and Jongdae got alarmed when Jongin suddenly bursted into tears. It wasn't just tears because Jongin sobbed loudly over a handkerchief to cover his face as he had a mental breakdown._

_"Jongin!! What happened to you??"_

_"I just realized.. he would be leaving for Japan soon. His family lives there and he would go there to be with them. What should I do? I don't want him to be my 'the one that got away'. I have feelings for him. I think he's also my first love." Yixing and Jongdae patted Jongin's back until he calmed down, shaking their heads again because their friend was definitely in love with his first love._

_After a few hours, Jongin was surprised because in a sea of people, Taemin found him and it touched his heart a lot. Taemin smiled as he went to Jongin's side and poked his shoulder lightly, then placed his arms by Jongin's shoulders._

_"Jongin! I forgot to get your number a while ago. Key it in so I could send you a message afterwards."_

_"Yeah sure!" Jongin got Taemin's phone and he dialled his number so he could get a missed call from Taemin's number and he could save it on his own phone._

_"Are you still with your friends?"_

_"Ah yes! Taemin, they are my friends Yixing hyung and Jongdae hyung. Hyungs, this is Taemin, my high school friend."_

_"Hello! Nice to meet you!" Taemin smiled as he offered a handshake to Jongin's two friends._

_"It's also nice to meet Jongin's friend since he was young!" Yixing and Jongdae shook Taemin's hand._

_"Thank you. Jongin ah, do you have plans after the show? Do you want to join us for some drinks?"_

_"Um, actually we'd just be going home after this. Yixing hyung lives at the other side of the Han river then Jongdae hyung and I live at the same neighborhood. I kind of promised his dad that we'd come home and not go around because they would go back to Siheung tomorrow morning."_

_"Oh. That's sad. In a few days, are you free? I kind of want to be with you before I go to Japan."_

_"I'm still not sure about that though. I'd just message you if I'm free."_

_In the end, Jongin was too nervous to go to Taemin's gathering before he left Korea. Jongin sent a message to Taemin's social media and told him to always take care of himself and such. As soon as Taemin arrived in Tokyo, he messaged Jongin back and told him that he would just stay in Japan for a few months, and would come back to Korea before the next school year starts._

_Jongin and Taemin didn't lose communication even if they were in two different countries. Even if Jongin got a 7am class the next day, he made effort and stayed up to talk to Taemin. They got closer than ever and talked about anything and everything under the sun. It was like they only went online just to talk to each other and Jongin loved it. It took him a while before he admit to himself that he's indeed in love with Taemin._

_Taemin went back to Korea and as soon as the next school year started, he contacted Jongin to meet up. Their meeting became frequent plus they also went on a few university fairs and mini concerts along with their friends. When everyone parted, Taemin insisted to take Jongin home._

_It was already 10pm when the rain started to pour so Jongin and Taemin ran as fast as they could while holding each other's hand towards the nearest train station because they didn't have any umbrella._

_"Aigoo we both got drenched! What should we do?? Are you okay?" Taemin asked Jongin but Jongin wasn't bothered because he enjoyed his time and experience with Taemin._

_"I'm perfectly fine. It's my first time to do this with someone I know so it's fun."_

_They took the train after drying themselves a bit so they won't shiver inside the air conditioner-blasted carriers._

_"This is fun! It's my first time but indeed, it's nice. It's a whole new experience." Taemin said as they laughed._

_"I actually love the rain so it's not a problem for me. Besides, I don't bring umbrellas with me so being rained on isn't new but it's more fun to share the moment with you."_

_"Yeah. I just realized that we weren't this close before. I mean, we have been close when we were young but we got closer now. Even if years have passed, we didn't grew apart. It's very nice to know that you're still my little doppleganger and the Jongin that I know."_

_"And you're still my look-alike and the Taemin that I know, even if you're not super skinny anymore. But it suits you, really. It's good that you finally ditched dieting."_

_"Ah hahaha. Thank you."_

_Their meetings didn't stop even when the summer break started. Instead, they met each other more than the usual. They met at least twice a week at a café and Taemin bought Jongin a chocolate milkshake, while he randomly smiled in comfortable silence as he sipped his iced coffee. Taemin also worked on the music on his laptop while Jongin stayed beside him. Taemin asked him for comments and suggestions on his project and even took some ideas from him. They looked like a team working on a music and Taemin made Jongin fall for him harder._

_One day during the summer break, Jongin and Taemin met again. They feasted on pizzas while talking, this time without any laptop around._

_"So you'd be staying here for a while?" Jongin asked as he patted his mouth with a tissue._

_"Yes. I would just go back to Japan when the school year ends. Woah, time flies so fast when I'm with you, Jongin. I don't know how that happened."_

_"Maybe because it's fun talking about our memories."_

_"I'm glad you're having fun while spending time with me. I'm happy, Jongin."_

_"Yeah. It's been a while since I've felt this way. It's a special feeling. Maybe I'm really happy because after all those years of no communication, we still remained friends and we got closer than ever."_

_"Indeed. Ah, it's getting late. As much as I want to spend time with you, we have to go home. But I'll be taking you home first. Would that be okay with you?"_

_"If it doesn't make you uncomfortable and it won't tire you out then it's fine."_

_Taemin walked Jongin home even if it's a completely different neighborhood and even if it's still a ride away from his place. Jongin didn't complain because he liked it so much._

_"So this is our place. My parents are out of the house but they're on their way back. Come in! Welcome to our little abode."_

_"Oh. You have a cute house. Uhm, can I use your bathroom? And can I also have a glass of water?"_

_"Of course! Go straight and turn left, then you'll see the bathroom door. I'll get some water while you're at it."_

_"Thanks!" Taemin went to the bathroom while Jongin prepared a glass of water. Jongin was startled when Taemin stood behind him and took it. After gulping it down, he went to sit by the couch. Jongin followed so he could sit beside him, but he was pulled down by Taemin, making him kneel over his thighs._

_"Jongin.." Taemin said, with eyes full of want and desire. He grabbed Jongin's face down onto his and kissed him. Jongin's arms were shaking so Taemin hugged him and made him straddle his waist. Jongin kissed back after relaxing and enjoyed the kisses they shared._

_"I've.. wanted to do this.. for so long." Taemin sucked his lips until it became pouty and swollen. Jongin liked it and wanted more but Taemin wanted something else so he got Jongin's hand and made him touch his growing erection. Jongin massaged his crotch by instinct, and smiled as Taemin made him unzip and unbutton his pants._

_"Jongin.. please.." Taemin made Jongin hold onto his cock underneath his boxers while still kissing his lips and Taemin's cock got hardened as Jongin pumped it more. Taemin touched Jongin's hard erection too but Jongin was slapped back to reality when his phone rang. His parents are only a few blocks away and they would arrive very soon - he didn't know what to do so he kissed Taemin again only to tell him thay he have to leave since his parents would arrive anytime. Taemin hurriedly zipped his pants while Jongin accompanied him to the corner of the street._

_"I'm sorry I have to send you home. They're really near and they will kill me if they catch us doing something since they're very conservativr. Send me a message when you arrive home okay? See you. Good night!" Jongin gave Taemin one last deep kiss before he went home and in a few minutes, his parents arrived. That night, Jongin felt like he was on cloud nine. He just confirmed that Taemin likes him too and he's not the only one in love. He went to bed with a smile, but Taemin's message never came._

°°°

Jongin sighed but also smiled; he's feeling half happy yet half regretful that Taemin left him. But it suddenly struck him that it's for their own good, so his memory with his first love won't be too tainted.

"Tell me about what you just remembered." Sungwoon said as they had a video call, ready to listen to his friend's reflection.

"I just realized that I have all those memories pushed back. It wasn't totally forgotten, I just ignored it until I created new memories that I would have to push back soon."

"I'm sure what happened wasn't good because you wouldn't push those memories back if it isn't. Go ahead, let it out. I also want to hear your side."

"Taemin left without a word a few weeks after that night we kissed at the couch. I don't know if he got offended because I made him go home instead, as my parents were on their way home. We were about to have sex on the couch but I stopped him since I didn't want us to get caught. Getting a glimpse of him already made my heart race, what more when he kissed me. It was one of the best nights of my life - my first love kissed me and I thought he feels the same way too. I thought he likes me too. No, screw that. I thought he loves me too but after a few weeks, he shut me out of his life. His departure was one of the most hurtful and painful one, because I tried my best to talk to him again and did efforts by following him around the university but he just shoved me away like how a heartless person hates a stray dog. I was devastated, I didn't know why he suddenly cut me off. He could've just told me that it was a mistake and I could've just let it pass, but he didn't. He told me he was busy and he slapped me with the fact that I bother him, that I'm not worthy of his time and attention, and that I was only a mere disturbance. I remember him saying that _'you don't owe anyone an explanation'_ and indeed, he lived with that philosophy so without any word, he left. After a few months, his best friend Kibum told me that Taemin just don't want to hurt me further by leading me on, most especially he doesn't want me to be his fuck buddy. So Taemin doesn't want us to be just 'friends with benefits', but he made it clear for me the hard way."

"So he left to spare you, I guess."

"Yeah, he did that to spare me. Back then, I thought it was a very foul move but thinking about it 6 years after it happened, I guess Taemin was right. And I can say that Taemin is better, far better than Chanyeol. Taemin completely threw the intention of taking advantage of me and my feelings even if it means breaking my heart. He made me stop as he stopped too. He didn't lead me on, he didn't take advantage of me, my body, my weakness and my love unlike Chanyeol who led me on, who pretended to be single when he have been in a long-term relationship for years, who took advantage of everything including my kindness, my feelings, my body and my mental state. Unlike Chanyeol who have used me for more than two years only to throw everything - all the efforts, all the tears, the money, the time and the opportunity for me to be loved as if it was nothing; because he was yoo greedy and too selfish to own me even if he never wanted to be mine. Taemin and Chanyeol have something in common: they both left without a word and they have hurt me but they're very different. I may have hated Taemin to the bones a few years ago but now, I think I could forgive him with this realization as he's definitely better than Chanyeol. 6 years after it happened, I'm thankful that Taemin left - that he didn't took advantage of me even if he could. He didn't want to use me and he didn't want to lead me on. He didn't want me to be exposed in a dirtier, hurtful and lustful world at the young age of 19. I'm thankful that he left me as he tried to preserve our memories as good friends, even if it means he would really be my 'The One That Got Away'."

"Now, you finally know the reason why it happened. Indeed, you really are a powerful person full of wisdom. I admire you, Jongin. I can see that you have matured a lot and you have opened your eyes to a lot of things that the Jongin 6 years ago didn't see."

"Maybe I was blinded by the pain that I've felt from him and the disappointment that I've felt for him. He's my first love, and all the things he did definitely had an impact to me. That time, it was purely negative but 6 years later, I finally understand why he did that. Somehow, I've understood the reason why some people leave without a word. Sometimes, it wouldn't be answered by a closure but it would surely be answered by time."

________________________________________________________________

Jongin never thought that his realization would become a reality until he faced Taemin again. In a different country, in a different city and in a different time, the two friends who became strangers with great memories met again after 7 years.

"Jongin? Jongin is that you?" Jongin turned around as he heard his name. He was surprised because he never thought he'd ever see the man again - the man he never thought would call his name because he's the same man who walked out of his life after they kissed and almost had sex at his own home.

"Oh? Taemin?"

"It's you! Hello! Long time no see! How are you?" Taemin said excitedly as he came near Jongin so they could talk.

"Ah yeah. It's been so long, really. I think it's been 7 years? Yeah. I'm doing good even if the world fucks me up most of the time. How about you?"

"I'm on my last year in the conservatory and I'm here for my internship and for the graduation recital. There are lots of hard times but it all passed. Are you working here or you're just on a vacation?"

"I'm just on a vacation for a week to get back to my senses and passion then I'll find a new job. I left my last job because I got vocal chord nodules and had to undergo treatments."

"That must've affected your lifestyle so much. I hope you're feeling better now."

"Yeah I do, but I've recovered now. It's just that can't sing like before."

"Jongin, I'm sorry."

"Ah no worries. I'll be okay. I'm not a professional singer and I think karaoke places would be okay even if my voice cracks while I sing."

"No.. it's not because of that. Jongin, I'm really sorry.. about what happened before. I'm sorry for what I did to you 7 years ago."

"Ahh. That?"

"I was ruthless and very heartless. I left you without a word, without any second thought and without mercy. You tried to talk to me but I shut you out of my life. I know I've hurt you so much and I'm very sorry. You may still be mad at me and I'd take it all because I deserve it especially I had been a big jerk to you."

"After 7 years, finally, I heard the words I've wanted to hear. Thank you for that." Jongin smiled sincerely, not too big but obvious enough for Taemin to see.

"Uhm, are you busy tonight? If you have time, let's meet up and maybe we could talk over coffee, tea or something."

"Yeah sure let's meet up. I'll see you tonight then."

"Key in your number. I'll give you a call so you could save my number too."

"Got it. Just tell me what time and where we would meet."

"I will. Jongin, I'm still very sorry."

Taemin told Jongin to just meet him at the lobby café of the hotel he's staying at so he won't have to go around. Surprisingly, Taemin was already waiting by a table for two when Jongin arrived.

"Sorry to make you wait. Hello." Jongin smiled at Taemin who looked better than earlier, especially Jongin didn't ditch him. 

"No, it's fine. I went here early because I wasn't sure about my travel time considering the traffic. Anyway, what would you like to have?"

"I'm tired of waffles so I'll get something else.. I think the Triple Chocolate Cake would be good."

"Oh? I thought you'd choose strawberry cheesecake. Strawberry is your favorite, right?"

"It is but I'm in need of chocolate so I'll get that instead."

"Alright. How about drinks?"

"English Breakfast Tea would do for me."

"Alright. I'll get it first. Please wait for me."

Taemin went back to their table with Jongin's Triple Chocolate Cake and English Breakfast Tea while he got New York Cheesecake and Iced Caramel Latte.

"How are you? I know it may be awkward but Jongin.. you could talk. I want to know what you feel and what you've felt before. I want to know what's on your mind."

"It's really awkward and weird to suddenly think of the past, to suddenly dig the memories out from where it was buried. It's been pushed at the back of my mind but okay, I'll tell you because you asked for it."

"Please go ahead. I really want to know."

"Okay. Back then, I was totally devastated because I thought what happened that night would bloom onto something else, onto something more. I thought it'd be the start of you and me equals us but apparently, it was a kiss of death. Everything fell apart after it happened, and it affected me so much to the point that I've stopped trusting and depending on someone while I did everything by myself. I've also stopped thinking that people feel the same way for me. I stopped thinking about their feelings and I stopped giving meaning to anything and everything - they thought I was just too oblivious or stupid. I became apathetic and I didn't give a fuck but as time went by, I acknowledged that I was at fault too, because I didn't tell you my feelings. Maybe you got the wrong signals back then but Taemin, I loved you. You made me feel all the things that I've never felt before. You made me happy and talking to you made me so happy. When you told me that you'd be going to Japan, I cried to my friends because I thought I'd never see you again. They looked at me like a mad man who suddenly bursted into tears when the song 'The One That Got Away' was performed. I was so happy when you found me in a sea of people, I was very happy when you accompanied me home, when you wanted to be with me whenever we can, despite the differences of our schedules. I tried my best to be with you as much as I could including the time we've spent at the cafés. I did all of that while having feelings for you and I don't think that it's just a superficial appreciation towards your existence because whatever it was, it bloomed into love. I was just a big coward not to tell you about it, until after we kissed. I was about to confess everything but it was too late, and those feelings got shattered when you made me feel that I'm just a disturbance."

"I'm really sorry."

"I don't know if you were aware but I was still in contact with Kibum hyung even if you blocked me on your SNS and when you stopped sending me messages. He knows about my struggle and how long I hoped that one day, you'd come back. That one day, you'd talk to me again and one day, we'd be friends again. It took me 3 years to finally give up on you and decided to move on and live my life, ignoring whatever thoughts or feelings I had for you. But fate and destiny played with me and my feelings again because 3 years after I finally got over you, you're here in front of me. As much as I thought that it's absurd, it's also inevitable. I just know that our paths would cross again and here we are now."

"I'm such a sick bastard to do those things to you. I'm sorry, I hope you'd forgive me."

"Taemin, don't worry about it now. You're forgiven. I'm okay now, especially when I've heard you apologize. And there are things that we can't ever take back, no matter how much we want to have it again. It's in the past already so let's just forget about it. No hard feelings, I promise."

"No.. I could never forget my memories with you. I'm sorry, I was a jerk and a coward who just left without considering you and your feelings. I threw all our memories away, along with the years of friendship because I thought that kiss was a very impulsive move, and I've unknowingly led you on when I wasn't sure if I could fully commit to be in a relationship with you. But truthfully, I've fallen hard in love with you especially when we spent time together. I wanted to kiss you but when I did, I became unsure so I decided to stop since I don't want to give false hopes and break your heart. I don't want to do things more than kissing then just stay as friends so I stopped myself. I spared you for being in a friends with benefits relationship with me because you deserve to be loved, not just taken advantage of and becauae you're worthy to be in a relationship with. I was too focused on myself and disregarded you - I didn't care if you'll get hurt or not, and got annoyed when you still wanted to be with me when an indecisive person like me don't deserve you. I felt so horrible for everything, for not thinking of the pain I'll inflict on you when I left without an explanation but believe me, I did it because I want you to be safe from me and my commitment issues. It wasn't my intention to hurt you, yet I did.."

"I'm also very sorry to only think of my feelings, I didn't know that you were struggling that time."

"Yeah but it's fine. I did it all because I don't want to decide impulsively then one day, wake up not being able to fully take responsibility of my decision and fail to love you. I was so torn, everything became half hearted including my feelings for you but when Kibum hyung said that you gave up on me, I cried a lot. I realize that I didn't only lost a friend and a potential lover but I also lost myself over lack of trust and my commitment issues. With that, I've learned something that's true: you would only know the value of a person when they're gone."

"Maybe you've already paid for your sins when you went through a lot. And it's fine because I've forgiven you. No hard feelings anymore, Taemin."

"By any chance.. do you still love me? Even just for a bit, even if I've hurt you so bad? After 7 years, do you still have that love for me?"

"Truthfully, I just got out from a very toxic relationship of more than 2 years so I'm quite unsure if I still have that love for you. I'm sorry, I can't sort my feelings out yet. If you thought that the pain I've experienced from you was bad, the pain that I've went through with my last relationship was worse. I was addicted to that toxic love and suffered a lot. I was taken as a _side dick_ and a _boy-toy_ of someone that's in a relationship for 5 years. In that 5 years, more than 2 years was spent with me. I was addicted with it and lived in that setup until I finally got hit in the head and when my eyes were opened to reality. The guy didn't love me, he only used me. It was never love, only companionship and comfort. And he chose the other guy even if I was ready to give him everything including the world."

"Jongin.. I'm so sorry about that."

"It's okay, I'm okay now because I've also thought about breaking up with him before we celebrated our second anniversary. I have long felt that he didn't love me and slowly detached myself from that mess until a month ago. I completely turned back and left him, since he have finally chosen someone who clearly wasn't me. Actually, it all ended without a word, but I felt it all when everything fell apart. It may have hurt me but I'm thankful I had the courage to save myself because I thought I'd be stucked in that toxic pit forever. I'm glad I've experienced awakening. I was renewed, I got a different view in life, and I definitely knew my worth after that."

"It's good to know that. But I'm still sorry. If only I didn't leave, you would never experience that pain. I'm sorry.."

"No, it's okay. Pain is inevitable especially when you love and it's an essential part of life. With that pain, I learned a lot. It also made me stronger, wiser and better so even if I got hurt, I'm thankful to the two of you because I've learned a lot from all those experiences. I've learned a lot when you both left."

"You're amazing, Jongin."

"No, I'm not. I'm still wounded and wrecked. I'm still in the process of healing and putting all the pieces back to be myself again."

"But you're so brave to turn all those pain into lessons. I admire you so much."

"Oh, thanks then."

"I hope you'd completely recover soon. I know you will, you're Jongin anyway. You're invincible. I know this may be out of context but I want to ask once and for all.. can we be friends again?" Taemin asked, still worried, embarrassed and sorry but for Jongin, he would swallow his pride and ask to be a part of his life again.

"Friends? What do you mean by friends?"

"Friends.. it may not be the same as before but maybe we could be friends that would start anew, create good memories that we could look back to and we coukd be friends who keep in touch. Okay, I'll admit it too. I don't want to lose you again. I've lost you twice already and if I'll lose you for good, I'd never forgive myself. I swear if you would accept me as your friend again, I won't cut you off. I will treat you right and I won't make you feel like you're unimportant. I promise-"

"Yeah sure. Friends?" Jongin gave out his right hand for a handshake with a smile that melted Taemin's heart.

"Thank you, Jongin. Friends." Taemin shook Jongin's hand and smiled with sparkling eyes.

Taemin accompanied Jongin around the country for 2 days and also went with him at the airport when it's time for Jongin to go back to Korea.

"Let's keep in touch, okay? Tell me when you've found a job. I'll also come back after I finish my degree. Take care and have a safe flight, Jongin."

"You know that I'm very proud of you even if you haven't graduated yet because you're doing what you love. That's your passion and I know it'll keep on burning but it'd be better since you'd have the diploma soon. Take care and stay safe too, Taemin."

"I'll see you back in Korea then. Can I hug you?" Taemin asked and was answered with a big bear hug from Jongin before they parted.

"Jongin ah! Wait for me!! I'll come back!!" Taemin shouted as Jongin walked towards the gate but eventually looked back.

"Come back quickly!! I'll wait for you! Bye bye!! See you soon!"

"Thank you!! See you soon!" Taemin became emotional and he cried, while Jongin also had a serious, emotional face as he went inside the airport.

Jongin and Taemin became closer as they vowed to have a video call for an hour everyday. Taemin sometimes called while he's cooking so Jongin teased him that he'll burn the house down. Taemin also teased Jongin by calling him cute whenever Jongin pouts. Taemin imitates him pouting and Jongin would sulk, making Taemin laugh and Jongin unknowingly pout more.

"Aigoo just study! It's almost the time for your exams!"

"Idiot. I don't have exams anymore. I'll only have recitals. I actually got a piece for my piano recital. I'll play some parts for you because I know you'd be busy to come and watch."

"Okay. Play it for me then. What's the title of the piece?"

"It's called ' _Moonlight_ '." Taemin played the piano keys while Jongin watched him from the video call.

"Aw. It sounds so.. romantic."

"It's not a happy song though, it's about the sad love story of Echo and Narcissus. Do you like it?"

"Yes! It's so good. Do you have a happy piece then? Since you already have a sad song."

"Yeah I have two but it's not yet done. Ah, I would just broadcast my recital live so you could watch even if you're not there."

"When would it be?"

"It'd be on January 11." 

_"January 11, a few days before my birthday.."_ Jongin thought to himself.

"Just tell me ahead so I would be ready before you start your broadcast. I don't wanna miss anything."

"Yeah sure, I'd tell you beforehand. Uhm.. Jongin?"

"Um? What's that?"

"I miss you. Nowadays, it gets lonely and knowing that you're far away makes me sad." Taemin pouted so Jongin laughed.

"Why are you laughing at me? I'm serious though.. I really miss you."

"Come back here then."

"You know that I still have to finish things here before I could come back. Anyway, I've got to endure missing you until I get back. But seriously, I miss you."

"I miss you too. I can't wait to see you again."

"Really? You miss me too?" Taemin grinned as his heart fluttered.

"Yeah I miss you too. For some reasons, I really miss you. I know we talk everyday but I become more greedy. I want more of that. I want more time with you. I want more of you.."

"Jongin.. do you.."

"I'm not sure if this is appropriate but I think I have a crush on you again. Okay, it's already an hour!! You also have to go back to practice while I'll get back to my work."

"Can't we stay a bit longer? 10 minutes? No, 30 minutes more? I still want to talk to you."

"You're the one busy though.. are you sure about this?"

"Yeah. Jongin.. what if.. I told you I like you.. what will you do?"

"Uhm first I will thank you for liking me. That's unexpected because I'm-"

"I like you, Jongin. I really do."

"Oh. Uhm. Thank you."

"That's it? Nothing more?"

"Thank you for liking me but I would give you a counter attack. Why do you like me?"

"I don't actually know but in my heart, I know that you're someone I want to be with. Maybe I like you because I've accepted you as a person, and everything that you are."

"Taemin, why me?"

"Why not?"

"You're still the same. Do you remember.. I asked you about that before."

"I remember it well and I have the same answer, right? Why is it you? Because why not. It's you, and it'd be an honor and priviledge to like you. You're not just a person - you are Jongin, the one that makes me smile. I don't even think I like you. I think I'm fucking falling in love again. I'm sorry for this, I know it's too sudden and I might scare you off but I won't keep it to myself again. I would never do that mistake of not telling you what I really feel again."

"Oh. Thank you for that." Jongin became silent as he blushed madly.

"Jongin? Are you okay?"

"Um. I'm just.. speechless. I don't know what to say."

"It's okay, you don't need to say anything. I've told you my feelings and that's my goal because I don't want to hide anything from you again. I'd never let that mistake happen again because I don't want to lose you for good. I love you, Jongin. It may still be too early or too sudden but that's what I've decided to do - to love you because you deserve it. Anyway, I won't continue with the additional 30 minutes because I might not be able to stop myself in talking to you, and I know you have things to do too. I'll see you tomorrow then. Take care and stay safe always. I love you, Jongin."

"Okay. Take care and stay safe too! Thanks. See you tomorrow!" Jongin smiled at Taemin with his face flushed red and bid goodbye.

________________________________________________________________

It's already Taemin's most-awaited graduation recital and he was nervous. He messaged Jongin that he'd start the live broadcast in an hour and luckily, Jongin called him to give him strength.

"Fighting!!! You can do it, you're music prodigy Lee Taemin! Even before the recital starts, I'm already very proud of you. You pursued your passion even if a lot of people told you that it isn't practical and you won't earn money with music. You proved them wrong already with the projects you've worked on before and from today onwards, you'd officially be a music professional. I know it's not easy, especially you've been through a lot for a very long time but you can do it! I believe in you!"

"Thank you so much! Ah, if only you were here, I'd hug you so tight! I'm so nervous, my heart is beating so fast but thanks to you, it's beating fast because of happiness, not much of nervousness. I'm really happy I got to do this with you and I must admit, I created better music when you came back into my life. Jongin, thank you and I love you. I miss you so much! After this, I'd be able to go back there."

"I'll wait for you! Do your best, as usual. I'll always be rooting for you! Fighting Taeminnie!! I miss you. Better get ready!"

"Yes I will."

Jongin settled at the seat at the center so he could see Taemin sitting by the grand piano well. He checked the broadcast and it will start in 10 minutes. He was nervous for Taemin but he knows that Taemin loves playing the piano - he even dedicated his life for it's mastery so he knows that Taemin would give an exceptional performance.

Taemin sat down by the grand piano wearing a long-back coat, and his hair styled up so Jongin could see his beautiful face. He looked nervous but he calmed down after taking a deep breath. He played a few introductory keys until Jongin remembers the intro for the song Taemin played for him on one of their past video calls.

"Oh, it's 'Moonlight'."

" _Saranghaneun stop stop stop stop yeah.._ " Jongin was surprised because Taemin was also singing while his eyes were closed so Jongin was very impressed. Taemin also performed 'Don't Go' and 'One and Only', the two love songs he included for the recital. He played some classical pieces included on the ensemble and bowed after the performance. Jongin quickly went straight to the backstage while Taemin still have a photo opt with his guests and professors.

"Ah what should I do? Why am I so nervous??" For the first time after they became close again, Jongin felt so nervous. He didn't know why, especially when he's not going to perform. He didn't also get an event ready for Taemin except for a bouquet of flowers and a congratulatory cake.

"I was so nervous! Good thing I remember the chords and- Jongin!!!" Taemin squaled as he saw Jongin holding the bouquet and the box of cake.

"Uhm hi! Congratulations on your graduation recital!!! You did a very good job!"

"I was about to call you but.. you're here!! Jongin, thank you!!"

"A bouquet of flowers and a cake for you. You'll love that. It's chocolate coffee crunch along with the dark blue roses. Congratulations again!"

"Thank you so much! I'm so surprised. Why.. how.. when did you arrive?"

"I arrived just this morning. I got the flowers and the cake earlier before I went here."

"Did you see the whole performance?"

"Yes! When you called, I was about to leave the hotel. The moment you ended the call, I went here so I won't miss anything."

"Jongin, thank you so much! Of course for the flowers and the cake but I'm more touched with your effort by coming here. I appreciate your presence and everything. You even went here just to watch the recital."

"I can't help it.. I miss you and I've felt it when you told me you wish I'd be here to watch you so I booked a flight right after that video call."

"Thank you so much! Uhm, hug?"

"Sure! I'll give you a big and tight bear hug." After he placed the cake at the table, Jongin wrapped his arms around Taemin's body tightly, feeling Taemin's heart beat fast.

"Calm down, it's over and you could breathe freely now. Strip away all your worries."

"I miss you so much.. I've endured all the days that I'm away from you. I miss this. I miss hugging you."

"I miss you too. I'm happy that you're happy, Taemin. Congratulations again."

"Thank you. Forget about the recital, I want to spend time with you."

"You've become a koala now? You're so cute."

"Shut up, I might kiss you out of annoyance."

"Oh. Ya, eat some cake first. You may be hungry now."

"I still want to hug you. I'll just eat later."

"Ya eat first! I promise I would hug you again afterwards."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm sure. Eat first, you need to replenish the sugar you've lost."

"Uhm Jongin?"

"Um?"

"Thank you for your efforts. Thank you for coming to support me. Thank you for coming back into my life. I love you."

"You're always welcome. Just so you know, I was whipped to my first love too so if I could, I would do things for you."

"Wait. I'm your first love?"

"Eh? I didn't tell you about it?"

"No. You just told me that you love me before and you don't want me to be your 'The One That Got Away'."

"Oh.. so I didn't tell you about that. Haha."

"Well you have to tell me about it!!! Do you have something to do tonight?"

"I'd just be at my hotel room. Why?"

"Want to stay at my place? Uhm are you going back to Korea soon?"

"Yeah. I have my flight back to Seoul tomorrow night."

"Can you stay with me? You can go to the airport from there. My place is near the airport."

"Would you be okay?"

"Yeah. I'd be perfectly fine and I'd be happy to accommodate you at my place. You know, it gets lonely these days.."

"Alright. I'll take you to my hotel room first then take me to your place afterwards. Call?"

"Call!"

Jongin took Taemin to his hotel room and checked out, then Taemin accommodated Jongin to his loft.

"Welcome to my cute little abode. I've been living here for quite sometime.. this has been my home away from home. Sorry but I only have one bed. I hope you won't mind sharing the bed with me."

"It's fine. I think both of us would fit."

"Yeah I think so too. And I have snacks here. I'll just get something for our dinner via delivery. Chicken or pizza?"

"Whatever you like. I'd be okay with both."

"Alright, I'd get both then. Feel at home, you could settle by the bed. Ah, I'll get some clothes for you to change. Here." Taemin gave him a loose shirt and loose shorts. 

"Thank you." Since Jongin was taller, Taemin's shorts looked shorter on his thigh. 

"Oh. You look sexy with my shorts. Your butt is cute and very round. It must be so soft."

"Hah. It's made up of muscles from working out."

"Ooh so you work out. It's not quite obvious."

"Oh really? It's not obvious?" Jongin wanted to boast his abdomen so he took his shirt off, making Taemin's jaw drop.

"Oh wow, you have ant waist.. like me. It's surprising."

"You have small waist too?"

"Yes. I just don't have the abs. Flat upper abdomen with a chubby belly."

"It's fine. Can I see? Since you've already seen mine."

"Okay. I'm not too confident with my body though." Taemin took his shirt off and Jongin was surprised. Taemin's body was toned and not bulky. It's perfect because he have small figure.

"It's perfect. You have a great body, Taemin."

Jongin and Taemin ate the chicken and pizza they've ordered and decided to watch a movie by the bed. It's a bit awkward because they were still both half naked, and were waiting for each other on who will make the first move.

"Jongin.."

"Um?"

"If I told you to stay a bit more with me here, would you stay? Would you reschedule your flight back to Korea?"

"Why?"

"I'd still be spending a week here before I go back. I still have to settle some things and get my records for the university so everything would be valid when I go back. Would you stay with me here?" Jongin was deeply thinking so Taemin just talked again.

"Ah, nevermind. I should've remembered that you have your own things to do back in Seoul. I'm sorry, I forgot about it."

"If it's until before the end of the month then I could stay."

"Huh?"

"I said if I'd stay with you until before the end of the month then okay, I'll stay."

"Really? Are you serious? But you must have your own-"

"I don't have anything to do back in Seoul so I'm free until the end of the month."

"So you'd really stay with me here until I come back?"

"Sure. Besides, I miss you so much too."

"Oh really? Thank you so much, Jongin!" Taemin was so happy he hugged Jongin and kissed his cheek. The two of them caught each other's glances and both of them swallowed the lump on their throats. Without any words, the two of them moved closer to each other and kissed softly.

"Taemin.."

"We've done this before, right? We've already kissed 7 years ago. I think it wouldn't hurt to do it again. What do you think?"

"Of course not. I like it too." Jongin leaned forward and captured Taemin's lips again. They shared steamy and passionate kisses. They panted when they pulled away, needing air to breathe.

"That was.. intense."

"Yeah. It's.. it's been a while. I miss it too."

"We should calm down first. It's getting hot in here."

"Yeah sure. Here, drink some water."

"Thanks." Jongin thought that it'd be awkward like what happened 7 years before, but it was completely different now. Both of them laughed as they compared the kisses they've shared before and the kisses they shared more than 7 years after.

"Do you remember.. back then, I asked you why you kiss awkwardly. You're so cute." Taemin laughed as he remembered their memories. Jongin tickled Taemin's waist because of embarrassment.

"It's because I'm not used to kissing back then! I didn't have a lot of relationships, I only had two and it never lasted for more than 6 months! My exes and I don't see each other that much so I didn't get to master the art of kissing."

"Have you mastered it now?"

"Nope. But I know better than before, of course. Though I still have to learn a lot."

"Can I teach you?" Taemin said with a very naughty and inviting face which made Jongin shy.

"Oh? Why are you suddenly so shy? Don't worry, it's free. You get to kiss these plump lips for free." Taemin pouted and Jongin laughed because of Taemin's cuteness.

"Oh wow. As if my lips aren't plump too."

"Please? Let me teach you how to kiss."

"Do I even have a choice? You'd still kiss me again and again, right?"

"Yes! You know me well, I will kiss you again and again until you yourself would kiss me when I stop kissing you."

"Wow, the confidence! Amazing."

"Shut up or I'll kiss you."

"Even if I shut up, you'd kiss me again!"

"Of course so stay put, I'm gonna kiss you again." 

"Okay." Jongin teased Taemin by laying down and acted like sleeping beauty, trying to look like sleeping while waiting for his prince.

"What are you doing? You're so cute." Taemin held his face and kissed him deeply. Taemin's tongue started to play with Jongin's lips and Jongin was quick enough to give way so they could do French kiss. Jongin didn't hold back and sat up to hug him. Taemin was the one on top and he's more in control of their kisses but Jongin got his waist as he embraced his torso with his legs, making Taemin feel his growing erection.

"Jongin, say it. What else do you want me to teach you?" Taemin said in between kisses.

"I'm.. I might not be able to hold back."

"It's okay, we're at the right age at the right state of mind, at the right place, at the right time. Would it be okay.. if we continue what we were supposed to do 7 years ago?" Taemin asked as he kissed him again but as much as he wants to be taken, Jongin controlled himself. It might be too soon, they just got close again and he wants to confirm his feelings first.

"Taemin.. I swear.. I want to do this too but I prefer to do it when we're dating already. It's a bit early for this. I really like you, I mean I like you before and I like you more after all these years but I'd really prefer to do this when we're finally together."

"Jongin, do you love me too?"

"Yes I do. I have loved you before and even if you've hurt me, I'd choose to love you again. But let's not rush into things, I still want for us to be official first before we do this."

"Conservative baby?"

"Let's just say that I'd want our first to be very special. I want it as a birthday gift in 3 days."

"I know it's your birthday, that's why I wanted you to stay with me here. I want to celebrate your birthday now that we're together. But Jongin.. you love me too, right? Does that mean.."

"Yeah. I love you too. If you want, we could.. you know.. date or something."

"Do you want to date me?"

"Yes."

"Oh. I actually don't just want to date. I want to love you and I want to be in a deeper relationship with you. Something that isn't superficial, something that is deep, powerful and full of love. I want to be by your side always. If you want that too, I'd be very happy."

"Yes of course! I'd seriously love that! So you're my boyfriend now?"

"Sure. I'd be your boyfriend from now on." Taemin winked and kissed him again.

Taemin arranged an event date for Jongin's birthday at The Summerhouse. They settled at a Nestia dome at the garden and had their romantic dinner under the stars.

"This place is so beautiful!"

"Of course, I've chosen a beautiful place for the beautiful birthday man. Happy birthday, Jongin!"

"Thank you so much. We could've just stayed at your place and order deliveries, you don't have to go all out for this because I'm happy as long as I'm with you."

"I thought you already know your worth? Baby, you deserve this and it's your day so I want to make it more special and unforgettable. We've known each other for so long yet time played with our hearts and feelings. But after 7 years, time finally let us be together. I'm very thankful that I still have this chance when I've fucked up twice already. Honestly, I don't think I deserve you but I'd do my best to be worthy of your love. I love you so much and thank you because after all these years and after all those pain, you still chose to love me again."

"Why are you making me cry? Aish."

"I'm just really thankful and very happy to be with you. I hope you're also happy with me."

"I am. Taemin, I'm very happy to be with you. Actually, I'm blessed with a heart that never stops bleeding for love. Even though I got angry before, I've never stopped loving again. Maybe thanks to wisdom too because without that, I wouldn't come to realize the reason why you left; I might still be angry at you when we met again and you won't be with me if I didn't have that."

"Thank you, wisdom and love! I owe my life and future to you. But really, thank you, Jongin. Happy birthday, baby! I love you so much."

"And I love you too." Jongin was the one who kissed Taemin even if he's the birthday celebrant. He wanted to show how he appreciated his boyfriend's effort and presence a few years after they first met.

"So.. where do you want to go?" Taemin asked even if he already got a plan in his head.

"Anywhere with you, baby."

"My baby is so cute. Uhm, I don't know if this is a bit.. Jonginnie, do you want to take your gift?" Jongin didn't answer so Taemin got a bit nervous.

"Huh? What gift? Do you have another surprise? Aigoo Taeminnie, you should've not bought me gifts! You know I'm not too fond of those."

"Kim Jongin, stop playing innocent. Do you want your gift or not?"

"I was just joking!! Of course I know what's your gift to me, especially I was the one who scheduled that when that gift was almost taken in advance."

"I knew it. But are you ready?"

"I don't think I'm the one who needs to be ready. Are you ready?"

"I'm always ready. I was just waiting for you."

"Okay." Jongin planted a sweet kiss onto Taemin's lips and smiled as he hugged Taemin.

"Hmmm? What was that?"

"You're so cute. I thought you won't remember it. I thought you'd never ask."

"Ah! Before anything else, I have another gift for you!" Taemin got out of Jongin's embrace and sat down by the piano keyboard by the wall of his living room. Taemin played the first few keys and Jongin smiled as he remembered the song very well.

 _"The day we met, frozen I held my breath. Right from the start, I knew that I've found a home for my heart ..beats fast. Colors and promises. How to be brave? How can I love when I'm afraid to fall? But watching you stand alone, all of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow. One step closer.."_ Taemin sang as he looked onto Jongin that's amazed and very happy to finally hear Taemin play the song on the piano while singing it, when Taemin only sent a recording of him playing the guitar while singing it 7 years ago.

 _"Time stands still, beauty in all he is. I will be brave, I will not let anything take away what's standing in front of me. Every breath, every hour has come to this. One step closer.. I have died everyday waiting for you. Darling, don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years. I'll love you for a thousand more. And all along, I believed I would find you. Time has brought your heart to me, I have loved you for a thousand years. I'll love you for a thousand more..'_. Do you like it?"

"Yes! It's very amusing to finally hear and watch you play the piano while singing it. I've wanted to hear and watch you do it live since the day you sent me that recording. It's a very nice birthday gift! Thank you baby." Jongin was so touched, he gave Taemin a backhug.

"Oooppps. It's not yet over. I still have another song for you. You can sit beside me so it'd be better." Jongin did as he was told then Taemin played a variety of keys again. This time, it's for a classic love song.

 _"Even though it's been so long, my love for you keeps going strong. I remember the things that we used to do, a kiss in the rain till the sun shines through. I tried to deny it, but I'm still in love with you."_ Jongin intently looked at Taemin's face and even if he wants to smile, he tried to keep it inside so he won't ruin the romantic mood.

 _"I can see love shining in your eyes, and it comes in such a sweet surprise. If seeing is believing, it's worth the wait. So hold on and tell me it's not too late. We're so good together, we're starting forever now.."_ Taemin looked at him and smiled a bit, seeing Jongin with heart eyes. Jongin wanted to kiss Taemin right there and then but he held it back until the song was done.

 _"Just one night and we'll have the magic feeling like we used to do. Hold on tight and whatever comes our way, we're gonna make it through.. If seeing is believing, it's worth the wait. So hold on and tell me it's not too late. We're so good together, we're starting forever now. I miss you like crazy, I miss you like crazy. Ever since you went away, every hour of everyday. I miss you like crazy, I miss you like crazy. No matter what I say or do, there's just no getting over you. And I miss you, baby. I miss you like crazy. No matter what I say or do, there's just no getting over you.."_ little did they know, both of them became emotional. Taemin's voice may still be clear but Jongin could feel that he's trying hard to not let his voice crack. Jongin on the other hand, shed tears of happiness. He didn't hold his feelings back so he hugged Taemin again, and Taemin welcomed Jongin in his arms and kissed him.

"I'm so happy, I have a heart that keeps on loving you. I love you so much, Taemin."

"I miss you like crazy.. I miss you like crazy baby.. there's no getting over you, really. I'll never ever get over you. I love you! Thank you. Don't cry so much! Aigoo, my birthday baby."

"You're making me cry. Ah.."

"I'm so happy too, because I have a voice that would sing for you and a heart that would beat for you. After all these years, it's still you. Even if time was never our friend, we crossed paths again. We may have loved and got hurt but at least, we were brave enough to try and risk it all again. Thank you for this one last chance because I would never let anything break this. One last chance and one last time because this time, I'll love you much better. I love you so much too, Jongin."

"Uhm, so, is there any other gift for me?" Jongin grinned naughtily that made Taemin smile.

"Yeah, I'd still give you that gift. Let's go." Taemin winked as he pulled Jongin's hands towards the bedroom.

"Indeed, we'll be starting forever tonight." Jongin smiled as he happily followed his love.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is very dear to me because it's actually based on real life experiences, the joys and pain of my own first love. I hope you enjoyed the fic! 😊


End file.
